The Daily Writes

Seeing Ourselves in our Children

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I am lucky enough to write for an excellent magazine for Golden Gate Mothers Group. As my blog writing drops off (for years sometimes), and my business writing continues to be highly structured, this magazine offers a place where I can flex my creative muscle.

The October/November issue this month includes an I Heart Mom article that I wrote, “Seeing Ourselves in our Children”. This article was a challenge for me. I had to keep putting it aside, for weeks at a time. When I volunteered for this piece, I was certain I’d be able to roll 750 words that worked, that felt real. But after several attempts, with no real progress, I was stymied.

Luckily my writing coach jogged me loose. That and a trip to see family.

I believe this will be an article I’ll enjoy reading after a few years. To see if the origins of my first sons personality stay put as he grows from a toddler to a young boy and beyond. I Heart Mom – September 2017

The First Time Ever

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For most of the first few two years of my sons life, there has been little to no experience of rain. Water falling from the sky, and the related fun surrounding the winter season, is new to him.

So you can imagine, as the rain picks up a whole new world of wonder has arrived. “Agua” is falling from the sky!! You can find Luke on a rainy day standing on tip toes, staring out the window shouting, “Agua, agua, agua” over and over again.

Another totally new experience is stomping in puddles. Once we navigated the purchase of rain boots for a toddler with very thick calves, we were ready to go. For months…no rain. But then last Sunday presented the perfect opportunity. The rain stopped early in the day and we were able to go out and find some puddles.

At first he walked by them, but then Dad invited him to stomp in the water on the ground. That was all it took. We watched him, he was fascinated and fully engaged in stomping in a few small puddles.

It occurred to me that the most incredible part of being a parent is having a front row seat to so many firsts, the first step, the first bite of food, the first puddle stomp. For me, witnessing a first provides the kind of perspective and grounding that nothing else does.

The Underdog

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My friend asked me at dinner last night about our Christmas tree, “Did you graduate to a real tree or are do you still have a Charlie Brown tree?” For my entire adult life, qualifying adult as since I’ve lived on my own, I’ve had a small tree, probably less than two feet tall. I’ve always called this a Charlie tree, a nod to Charlie Brown, because I continually purchase the less beautiful tree on the lot. The little runty ones almost always speak to me.

This year, we no longer live in a small condo but in an actual house. I looked at the Charlie tree’s when visiting the lot earlier this week, and I felt a tug on my heartstrings. But we moved along to the five-foot section and found a tree there that is more to the scale of our room. We are decorating the tree tonight and I will admit that the size is nice. However, I could have been just as happy with a tiny, malformed tree.

This is who I am; I champion the underdog every time. Probably a trait I inherited from my mom, who is always speaking up for the other guy, with the other perspective, whatever that may be. In my case this applies to many things, Christmas trees, dogs, children, anytime I see something or someone not embraced off the bat I jump in.

I think it boils down to being drawn to the less obvious, attracted to the unusual. There is so much going on in this life, so many people living at one end of the volume scale or the other. But there are a million things to see in the subtle, in the less obvious. That’s where the interesting part of life is happening.

Traditions

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Every year, my husband and I buck the Thanksgiving trend and go with a tradition we started in 2009. On Thanksgiving day, we’ll usually get some kind of a workout in, then a movie and then our feast is at Shalimar on Polk. Those of you who know Shalimar, know that it is a super dive Indian place. Plastic tables and cups, a slight stickiness to them always. But the food is amazing. Hot, fresh and incredible every time.

Since we had our son the movie has dropped off but we took him to Shalimar last year and he ate up, a boy after his parents hearts.

As we get closer to Christmas, I think back on some of the amazing traditions we had as a family and wonder what I’d like to do for my family now. I’m thinking of bringing back St. Nicholas Day on December 6th. And we’ve already purchased an Advent calendar, though the meaning will be watered down until we sort out how we want to share this with our son. There will be some Christmas cookie making in there, and we’ll try to focus on giving at a very local level. Maybe doing something for our neighbors and friends.

I love traditions and can’t wait to develop some as a family. We’ll keep Shalimar no doubt.

Riding a roller coaster, while wearing a blindfold

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One of my closest friends has recently started dating someone. We have both gone through years of daters and serious boyfriends. The difference for her this time is that this guy is the real deal. He is someone that she really interested in, someone she can see herself with.

This guy has potential, and it is scaring the shit out of my friend. Any woman reading this will understand. There are guys you date and get involved with that you know, somewhere deep down inside, will never go anywhere. And somehow that seems safe. You can enjoy the romance without really having to bare anything.

And then there are the guys that have potential. It is these men who strike fear in your heart in the early days of dating. These men typically have their shit together, they have their own lives and they are coming at you whole. For us women who have dated the available but not really available, these men are terrifying.

My friend sent me a virtual fist bump yesterday via text. The bump was props to me and mine for being in a relationship, for putting it on the line and for keeping it all going. I assured her that she too would get used to the feeling of being emotionally uncomfortable on a daily basis. I shared my perspective which is that good relationships are one contradiction after another. Awesome and horrible. Pure joy and absolute misery. Like riding a crazy roller coaster with unexpected turns while wearing a blindfold.